Singles, Dating, Relationships

Dealing with the family of your partner can be a real nightmare but you’ve got to survive it

Maybe it is not exactly your dream to meet your lover’s parent(s) but as your relationship proceeds, there is a moment when meeting your lover’s parents is inevitable. Probably in moments like that you recall many love stories that ended in tears because of the involvement of family members but you may also want to know that there are many cases when your would-be in-laws are really nice and reliable people.

What is important to remember about your first encounter with your boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s parent(s) is that the first impression is the strongest, so you must make your best to impress them in a positive way. Although it is always best to behave honestly and naturally, some intelligence about their likes and dislikes is mandatory. You wouldn’t like to step on a sore toe, would you? There are a couple of things you need to know in advance, like:

• Personal likes and dislikes. This is a very broad topic but getting as much information about their likes and (especially) dislikes is vital for you. If they don’t like smokers, for example, this might be a warning sign that you mustn’t smoke at dinner.

• Background information. Knowing some biography facts is also important to avoid unpleasant scenes. For instance, if your boyfriend’s mother is a typical housewife, while you are more emancipated and career-oriented, try to keep your career talk to a minimum because chances are that the lady will not like this and even might feel inferior and offended.

• Show respect for them. Although it varies across cultures, there are many parents who consider their children their possession and investment. If this is the case with you, you can expect trouble in your future relationship because such parents are resorting to the meanest means to separate their dear beloved child from you but you need to show some respect to them – at least in the beginning.

• Don’t be too affectionate. Being too affectionate to your lover in front of his or her parents might be taken as a signal that he or she is head over heels in love with you and you are controlling his or her thoughts and actions.

• Choose a stylish suit/modest dress. People judge about you based on your appearance. So, if you go unshaven and in dirty jeans, this is not to your advantage. For ladies a modest dress is recommendable because many mothers-in-law are irritated when a shining doll comes to their house. Well, it does not mean that you must look ugly but choose a more decent dress or costume.

• Be prepared for tough questions. Even though most people are polite enough to not cross-examine you the first time you meet, be prepared for tough questions – especially if marriage is on the horizon. For instance, if you are divorced and/or have children, think of how to communicate this fact. Very often you don’t need to devise complex schemes but sometimes people are not pleased to learn that their daughter’s/son’s future husband/wife has had a failed marriage and/or duties to third parties.

• Topics to be avoided. Here the list is endless but generally sex, politics and religion are among the taboos, unless you know in advance that you share the same political views and belong to the same religion. In general, avoid all topics that can lead to a heated discussion. Debating with your lover’s parents is certainly a way to turn them into your enemies.

Finally, have in mind that even people who say they don’t value their family, do take advice from them. Mothers are very good at manipulating their sons (but not so good at manipulating their daughters) and if you manage to scare your boyfriend’s mother on the first meeting, this might be the end of your relationship. On the other hand, fathers can be really jealous of their daughters, so take this into account. Well, it depends on your lover if he or she is easily influenced by his or her family opinion but still, it is much better to avoid starting a war at your first meeting. There will be plenty of time to start a war later!

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